Our story began like so many happily married couples. You find your soulmate, the love of your life. You dream of starting a family together. In the second year of our marriage, I missed a period and we began to hope a little one may be in our future. We were so excited when the pregnancy test came back positive. We went in for a doctor visit to confirm the pregnancy only to learn my hCG levels were dropping…I got to hear “yes” I was pregnant BUT “no” to carrying full term. Up, down, up, down, and all around. It would be a rollercoaster ride emotionally, financially and physically for the next three years with a total of four miscarriages. I had dreamed of being able to tell our family and friends the happy news that I was pregnant and we would be having a baby, but our road to parenthood would be different from many around us. Our Father’s great hand would open doors and close them. As we moved forward, we never lost faith and the final door lead us to the miracle of our son, Sam.
In the third year, we sought the help of Dr. Ayyagari, an Infertility Specialist in Bakersfield. He listened to our story and began testing to find that my husband had a low sperm count, I had a clotting issue and he felt IUI treatment would be a good place to start. I gave myself daily heparin shots during the course of treatments. We were successful in getting pregnant three times within a year with IUI’s however, I would only carry 8-10 weeks before I would miscarry. Each pregnancy ended with a blighted ovum. A blighted ovum is usually caused by chromosomal or genetic problems during cell division. This was also confirmed by a Fertility Specialist at UCLA who wanted to try IVF but wanted to use artificial insemination which we weren’t open to. After my fourth miscarriage I had a DNC and we decided we would wait and let my body rest. We needed time to heal and regain strength and endurance and listen to God’s wisdom. A new option appeared in year four – surrogacy.
My friend and co-worker Mo volunteered to be our surrogate mother. She was a beautiful soul and had a young son of her own. She had witnessed our journey and offered to carry our baby and give us that selfless gift. We were so thankful for her loving offer. Mo had her initial examination to assess her emotional and physical ability to be a surrogate. Her exam revealed a grapevine of fibroid cysts in her uterus. She would need a hysterectomy. She was devastated as were we. Yet, if Mo hadn’t had this exam, her medical consequences could have been serious. God again had his hand upon our journey. It was at this point I told my husband I was finally ready to consider adoption. I believe God was waiting for this acceptance all along. As you will see, all in His perfect timing.
What can happen in ten days? In today’s world a lot! But, how many can say they became parents in just ten days? Jim and Jenny McLean can and by God’s great hand we became parents on May 19th, 19 years ago to our son Sam. On May 9th, 2003 Jim and I had our first meeting with a private adoption attorney to learn about what adoption would entail. We were cautiously excited about the possibilities. That same afternoon, another co-worker, Julie, called to let us know that her Mom had met a pregnant woman at a bridal shower that wished to put her baby up for adoption. She had related our story and the woman wanted to meet us. Julie asked that we call her right away. We were at the Bakersfield Jazz Festival with my entire family and I asked if we could wait until next week to reach out? She said, “No. The woman is 9 months pregnant and 3 centimeters dilated and needs to make a decision as to who is going to adopt her baby right away.” What!!!!! We called her from our car in the CSUB parking lot. She said she was carrying a baby boy. She wanted the baby to go to a local couple and someone who had made every effort to start a family. We met her at her sister’s house the following morning. She was 27 and the birth father had abandoned her when she was 2 months pregnant. She had a strong spirit about her and she was doing a very responsible thing in giving her baby up for adoption. She stated her relationship with the birth father was a love/hate relationship and she would be afraid of becoming resentful every time she looked at the baby for what she had endured. She liked us and we liked her and through God’s blessing we decided to move forward with the adoption. Our attorney moved quickly with the paperwork and I got to go with her and meet her Ob/Gyn for her last exam before the baby’s birth. On the evening of May 18th, she called and said she was in labor. She was calm and said she’d call when the contractions got closer together and we could meet her at the hospital. We put down the phone and jumped up and down, crying and laughing and then realized we were going to become parents. We needed to make a quick run to Target for baby items, Hallelujah!!!! This was an otherworldly experience for sure.
We called my brother and sister-in-law and they brought over a bassinet. We all were so excited. After they left, Jim and I took showers and got dressed. It was about 11pm and we laid down on our bed, holding hands, fully dressed anticipating all that was to come and giving thanks to God. Through our prayer we closed our eyes and off to sleep we went. At 6am on May 19th, ten days later, the call came from our son’s birth-mother. It was time to meet at the hospital. We got there at 6:30am. She was calm and in remarkable control of her contractions. In fact, she never made a sound with any of them – she just breathed deeply. We got to her room and discovered a longtime friend, Colleen, would be our delivery nurse. Amazing! The doctor arrived at 9am to exam her and said he needed to break her water. She stated that when he broke her water she would have the baby within twenty minutes. At that point, everyone began preparing the room for delivery and my tears just started to fall in great joy and thanksgiving to God. In that moment I heard Him say,” This is how I intended for your son to come into the world, chosen.”
Well, she knew her body well because at 9:23am, on May 19th, Samuel Kenneth McLean was born. He had a ton of brown beautiful hair, ten fingers, ten toes, weighed 9lbs 2 oz. and the doctor examined him and said you have a healthy baby boy…Mom, and put him in my arms. Words could never express the love and pure joy I felt throughout my soul when the baby of my heart was given to us. We will be forever grateful for his birth-mother’s maturity and decision to give her baby to a couple who had run out of options.
Infertility – the inability to conceive children. The reality of this condition is that the burden of the problem/challenge can tear your relationship apart or make it stronger. We grew only closer and more committed to each other as we experienced every emotion, step, procedure and process, as one, together and in faith. Jim states that after just the first miscarriage he wanted to think about adoption, seeing what I was going through. I, on the other hand, needed to exhaust every option before my mind and heart were ready to consider adoption. The other reality is cost. There is a cost to bring a life into this world, both for infertility and adoption. Our costs with the initial IUI’s, meds, exams, ultrasounds, office visits, traveling and surgery were at least $10,000 and the cost of the private adoption 20 years ago was $20,000 – $30,000. Couples today still have to manage the cost of treatments, make the decision on which is the best treatment, invest in the belief to move forward with no guarantee of success. Time ticks by as you work through the process and emotions emerge from every direction possible, but there is hope!
“We are all children of God.” Through faith, hope and great love Amelia Molloy’s Angels has established their nonprofit to help supplement some of the costs couples and families will incur with infertility. That one in eight whose heart has dreamed of bringing into the world a unique soul with character and traits that they will embrace, guide and love. There is so much good in this world to be shared and Amelia Molloy’s Angel’s vision and mission embraces the gift of what comes when taking great pain and turning it to good for others. It will heal the hearts that have experienced loss and bless more hearts with hope for new life. We are so thankful to be a part of this wonderful nonprofit and we give thanks to Ashley and Michael Antongiovanni and their families and friends for allowing us to be a part of their journey and granting gifts to many here in Kern County in the years ahead. It’s unbelievable to think twenty years ago as we went through our infertility trials that it would come full circle and we would be led to be a part of Amelia Molloy’s Angels, a true blessing and a great way to pay it forward!
Written by Jenny McLean