Going through IVF as a husband, as a hopeful father, is a grueling process. It is a process that feeds on time, bleeds money, and lives on faith.
It is also a process that works to produce life, and I strongly believe it to be a gift straight from the source of life Himself, God.
My wife and I tried having a baby naturally for just about three years before we decided we may need a little help. That decision put us on a path that would require more of us than we ever could have imagined and on a path to creating our daughter, Ella.
Worth it. All of it.
As a husband, I learned very early on that my main job in this process was to be a pillar of support. I was not the one being poked and prodded. I was not the one having to take medication that caused my hormones to spiral out of whack. I was not the one who had to take a nightly injection given to me by, well, me.
I was not the one who had the pain of a miscarriage.
That was all Jaisyn, my wife. Everything I listed above was endured by her. Did I suffer and struggle as well? Of course. I had to take time off work to drive two hours once, sometimes twice a week. As an already anxious person, I had to shoulder the anxiety of paying for our medical services. My biggest struggle, however, was watching my wife go through the things she went through to give us our baby.
She was an absolute rockstar through most of it, but there were times when she would understandably break down in tears brought on by the fear and intrusive thoughts telling her she would never give birth.
Honestly, in those times, I didn’t say much at all. What can you say? I just sat there, listened, and held her. I knew that was what she needed. When I did offer advice, it was always to trust God and that everything was going to work out according to His plan and will for our lives. I also tried my best to always echo the positive things our doctors told us through the process. Sometimes, when fear takes over, the positives get lost in our minds, so it was my job to remind her of all the successes and positivity we were getting from the professionals.
It was never long before my wife, the fiercest warrior for God I know, was back in good spirits ready to take the next step in our journey. I will always admire her for that.
So, to other husbands going through this journey, my main advice would simply be to “just be there.” Also, it is important that your voice is heard in the decision making, but once the decisions are made, understand that she is the one who will be taking on most of the struggle.
As I am writing this, I am now four short weeks away from being a father, and none of the credit is mine. All the glory goes to God and MAJOR props go to my amazing wife. I could not be more thankful to have a wife who cares so deeply about being a mother and watching me become a father that she would sacrifice all she did.